Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
