All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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