i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
