All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
