I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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