your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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