I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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