I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
