That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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