I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
