yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
