FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
