I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Randomize
