You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
even my farts smell like vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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