thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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