i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
only if we run a train.
done.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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