I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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