is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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