Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
