On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
