Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
