we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
