The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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