I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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