Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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