I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
