I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
