someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
