that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
