This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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