I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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