a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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