we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
