you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
