I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
