Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
