Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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