There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
