Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
