how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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