I just threw up on my dentist
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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