Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
