"it" just moved
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
