Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
