marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
