He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
