The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The air taste purple.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
