I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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