I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
