Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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