so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
