So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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