Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
