he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
