i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
ttyl tear gas
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
