better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
