Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
