a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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