clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
