Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this boner is exhausting
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
