they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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