You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
