I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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