***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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