So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize