I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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