Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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