I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
